Reflecting

Why is it this time of year when a loved one falls ill it seems so much more difficult? This past May one of my dear aunts was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. They had found the cancer in one lung and in her liver. I was so saddened by the news of my aunt's cancer and I don't ever remember a time in my life of every feeling completely helpless! I wanted so DESPERATELY to make a journey "back home" to VA to see my aunt. I couldn't imagine something happening to her and me never seeing her again! I was racking my brain trying to figure out how to afford to make the trip back to VA from HI and make sure I was home in HI just in case my husband was able to come home for R &R from Iraq (since that wasn't a definite at the time). Of course they began a serious series of chemo 3 times a week for 3 weeks off 2 weeks and start again. Fortunately after all her chemo from June until Sep. the cancer shrunk in her liver and lung and eventually was gone! Prayers of MANY had been answered. Of course many in our family had really began to reflect on how precious our loved ones are to us.

My cousin decided for Christmas for her mom (my aunt) she would make a book for her, written by all those who have been touched by my aunt through the years. What a wonderful idea! Sadly around Thanksgiving my aunt confided in my mom that she wasn't feeling so well again and thought that the cancer was back. A couple weeks later my mom tells me there's something I need to know and proceeded to tell me that my aunt thought the cancer was back. Since Thanksgiving and talking to my family on the phone I'd already started to become "homesick". It had been nearly a year since I'd seen my family. Less than 2 weeks ago our families fears were confirmed, the cancer is back, this time larger and in both lungs and her liver.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to blog about this other than my heart is so heavy. I miss my family, I am scared for my aunt, I worry about my cousins and the rest of my family. My Aunt is just a beautiful, beautiful person and has meant so much to so many and I know when she is called home to be with our Heavenly Father it will be a great loss for our entire family and many others.

Maybe I just want to let everyone know to please make sure you tell those that you love how much you love them. Life is precious and we can't take it for granted. I know that my aunt will LOVE her book and cherish it, as will many of our family members in the years to come. Sometimes the most precious gifts are those that come from the heart and the hand. With that being said here are my heart felt memories.... And I would ask that you just pray for my family and especially for my aunt for whatever the future may hold. Pray for peace for all of us and that my aunt not suffer.

A Lifetime of Memories

Dear Aunt G,

Memories? I have so many memories of you through the years; I don’t even know where to start. I guess I will start by saying I always loved coming to your house from the time I can remember until today. Going to your house is like “going home”. I always know there’s a place for me, or anyone else for that matter. When I was a little girl I loved to come spend the night at your house. I loved just spending time with you, even if we didn’t do anything “special”. Some fond memories are swimming at “The Acres”, going to play BINGO at the VFW, and cleaning house like crazy on Wed. nights (I think that’s right) before V L was coming to clean the next day, and you always cooked me some sort of potatoes cause you knew how much I love them! It’s kind of funny how a lot of my memories of you involve food. One of my favorite “food memories” is the family get togethers on Sundays, just because it was family time! You, Mom, & Uncle D helped instill something very special in our life and that’s to treasure our family. Through the years we’ve eaten many Thanksgiving and Easter meals both in ________ & ________, and lets not forget the Forth of July!

Many of my memories of you make me laugh!

I think I was about 14 or 15 this one time. I remember it as it was yesterday. It was Sunday evening and we were watching TV in the “den” (Bobby’s old room), I think we were watching America’s Funnies home videos. You were on one end of the couch, Mom on the other, V sprawled out in the middle of the floor and me in the chair. You decided you wanted a snack and off to the kitchen you went and came back with a block of cheese & a knife. We all shared a couple slices of cheese, and then you handed over the cheese to V and me. I was in HEAVEN Aunt G! Mom never gave us a block of cheese and a knife just to eat (now she would give us a couple slices here or there)! V ate a couple more slices and there I was, I kept cutting & eating. I don’t know how much cheese I’d eaten, but it was quite a bit, when suddenly you say, “Veronica, you aren’t gonna shit for days”!

Then there was the mule… what was her name, Genni? A trip to visit K at college, and listening to Dwight Yoakam all the way there and back. You were quite entertaining singing along with him as we drove along those roads. Oh, when we got home I didn’t think I’d ever want to hear Dwight Yoakam sing again. Now, when I hear him on the radio I just get a smile and think of you and wonder if you still love to hear him sing.

How about playing games, when we’d go to the VFW and play BINGO I always thought you were funny. You would get so darn excited. But I gotta tell ya that didn’t hold a candle to when we started having parties at V’s house in ______ and we’d play games. OH my goodness you would get so flustered and excited. But, I think I will remember as long as I live playing gestures and you laughing so hard you pee’d your pants!

But my fondest memories will forever be the kind and loving person that you are. You have always been the one who would do whatever you could for anyone. Growing up my momma always talked about the special things you did for her and for others. Taking care of Grandma Bonnie when she was sick, being there for Granddaddy when she died and how you and Uncle D took Uncle J into your home to raise when you were so young and had young children of your own. Watching D for Mom, and how you took care of D and me (an infant) when Mom nearly bled to death after having V and me. And I remember when Mom and Dad separated you always helped out with us kids. And when Uncle J passed away you were there again, taking care of everyone. That ice storm around Easter one year when we had no power and we all stayed at your house. And through the years your love and care has been a huge part of who the C family (the big picture) is! You have done so much for so many and not just people in our family.

Remember our trips to Nags Head, NC with Granddaddy & Nathalie to go fishing. Remember the one time we all went shopping. Oh I LOVED that Christmas shop we went to. I had never seen so much Christmas in one place as in that little shop in NC and I don’t think I have since then. It was such a beautiful place. Remember we were walking through there and just marveling at all the decorations? And then, there it was a tree full of doves! With this glorious, big, white dove at the top of the tree. Mom fell in love with it IMMEDIATELY and then she looked at the price tag and put the dove away. Moving on to the next section of the store you get V and I away from Mom and slip some money into our hands along with your car keys with the instructions to “go buy that bird and take it to the car and come straight back”. V and I go get the dove, take it to the register where they wrapped it with care and we rushed off to the car. We spent a lot of time going to different stores that day. Then of course we have to bring all the packages in to see what everyone had “found” that day. Oh how surprised Mom was when she opened that package with that Dove in it. “Oh G, you shouldn’t have!” But, she loved that dove and secretly so did I. How many other special gifts you’ve given to countless others with your thoughtfulness and love.

The day Mom passed that dove on to me was a very special day. That dove reminds me of all the love that wraps around me regardless of where I am. Each year when it’s time to decorate the tree I get out the box that holds one of my most precious life treasures, open it and carefully unwrap that dove and fold open his wings. I think of you, I think of my mom and I rejoice that I have been blessed to have you in my life. And forever that dove will sit atop my tree as a reminder of the special people in my life. Aunt G, thank you for a lifetime of memories and love!

I love you forever and always!
Veronica

Tis the Season

The Christmas season is upon us and getting into full swing. I was quite surprised (especially living in HI) to see Christmas lights going up here and there all around post on 1 Nov! As the month of Nov has come and gone more and more people are decorating.... me to be included in that number. I LOVE Christmas! I LOVE my decorations, I think I could look at my Christmas tree all year long! Seriously.... And Christmas music.... 1 Nov and it's free reign at my house. My dear husband knows all bets are off when it comes to that I WILL be listening to my Christmas music whenever the mood strikes. Music speaks to my heart, and all the way to my soul! Christmas is about more than just tinsel and lights, and all the material things that it seems to have turned into all to often. There's a MUCH BIGGER picture..... Christmas is about the brightest light, the most precious gift any of us could ever receive. It's about the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. But shouldn't EVERY DAY be about that? The season of giving.... shouldn't we give all year? Shouldn't we help out those less fortunate than us? Shouldn't we spend time with someone who might feel alone and just need a companion other times throughout the year, not just at Christmas? I try to do this all year, I think for 2008 I need to work towars doing MORE of this and involving my children

"Falling Down"

I'm falling down on posting about things that are going on. I promice I will post about services this past Sunday and last soon. Last week was a pretty emotional week. We lost 10 soldiers from Schofield Barracks and 4 soldiers from Ft. Lewis WA in the blackhawk crash in Iraq nearly 2 weeks ago now. The 2-35 have lost so many fine soldiers and Schofield barracks has been a rather sad place. I spent Wed. morning at the memorial for these 10 heros lost in the crash. Remembering them for the fine soldiers/people they were. The memorial was beautiful and even though I didn't personally know any of the 10 heros lost from our post I felt as if I knew them post humously after the memorial. It was such a sad time, sitting in that chapel surrounded by soldiers and family members of soldiers, veterans (some as far back as WWII). Looking at all those soldiers in uniform and realizing it could have been any of them we were remembering that day or worse yet that some day it could be my soldier.

A lot of emotion and thoughts to deal with. I just pray to God for peace and comfort for DH and for myself and for our children and for all the soldiers and their families who are deployed and dealing with all we are faced with on a daily basis. God lay your shield of protection around our soldiers who are away in so many dangerous places in this world and bring them home safely.

So refreshing

Well it's Sunday and the girls and I heading back to the Baptist church we attended last week. It was yet again another awesome experience with a great message to be shared. I really am thankful to have ended up in this wonderful place of worship last week on what surely must have been "God's Time". The people at the church seem very friendly and the Pastor has an awesome personality. I think the biggest benefit of this move could be the lasting affects this church potentially has on my children's lives. I remember transferring from a Baptist church back home to a Methodist church around age 11 or 12 with my mom while my sister (a teenager and driving) continued to attend the Baptist church we'd been members of for years and my twin brother attended a different Baptist church with a friend of his each Sunday. The minister we had at the time was a WONDERFUL man and I will forever be greatful for having him in my life at such a vulnerable and impressionable time in my life. Being the mom of a 12 year old girl going through all of life's changes that come around that age is truly a challenge. However I think having someone with a good personality and also being very deep in their spiritual life will deffinitely be a benefit that my children will some day cherish. The oppertunities for spiritual growth for all of our family members is deffinitely there and I'm greatful to have this blessing in my life. And I even think secretly my 12 year old (who probably won't admit it until she's about 20) is also. And my 5 y/o she's so excited about going to church!!! Praise the Lord and give thanks for all the beautiful blessings in our lives.

I pray that all who will come upon this blog find yourself in God's perfect place at God's perfect time also. And, I pray that my words will be His words and some how touch or brighten someone's life as they read.

God bless and have a wonderful week.

P.S. I'll be back later to share of today's message.

Growing in Patience

Sunday Aug. 19, 2007



1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.



James 1:19 (NIV) 19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.



The word does not tell us to NOT get angry, it tells us to be slow to become angry.... even Jesus got angry!



Mark 10:14 (NIV) 14When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hender them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.



Sometimes anger is good/healthy and productive.... depending on how we use it.



The top 5 things you can do to not be easily angered:



#5 BREAK THE PATTERN OF ANGER

Proverbs 29:11 11A fool gives vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.



Proverbs 25:28 (HCSB)
28 A man who does not control his temper

is like a city whose wall is broken down.



Ephesians 4:26-27 (HCSB) 26 Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don't give the Devil an oppertunity.



#4 GUARD YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Proverbs 22:24-25 (HCSB) 24 Don't make friends with an angry man, and don't be a companion of a hot-tempered man, 25 or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.



Proverbs 11:23 (NIV) 23 The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath.



Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) 1 A *gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.



*gentle does not mean quiet!



#3 RELEASE YOUR WORRIES TO GOD



Palms 38:8-9 (HCSB) 8 I am faint and severely crushed; I groan because of the anguish of my heart. 9 Lord, my every desire is known to You; my sighing is not hidden from You.



Phillippians 4:6-7 (HCSB) 6 Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.



#2 GET SOME REST



Elijah in 1 Kings 19



1 Kings 19:5 (NIV) 5 Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat."



* we can not think clearly nor hear God clearly if we do not have plenty of rest. This will lead to short tempers.



#1 CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS



*Change your expectations of people, not of God. (unless of course you expect your agenda to be God's agenda)



Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.



Phillippeans 4:8 (NIV) 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is nobel, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.



Exodus 34:6 (NIV) 6 And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The Lord, The Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.



We are made in Christ image and in His image we must learn to be slow to anger, forgive when someone has wronged us and then FORGET!

Life for me as an Army wife is full of challenges, challenges that those who don't live this lifestyle don't face.... however they have their own set of challenges. All of us have challenges in life. It is important for us to always remember to go to our Lord in prayer, trust that He will guide us. And then wait for his guidance..... and know that our answer will likely not be IMMEDIATE.

Raising children as both Mommy & Daddy when otherwise I would not be is deffinitely a challenge, not only for myself but for my children and my husband. Back to back deployments when our family has had little to no family time to adjust and reaquant ourselves poses even more challenges. In the 6ths months DH was home between deployments we were going through all the red tape of preparing for our relocation to our new duty station in Hawaii, taking 30 days of leave to visit family and friends we hadn't seen (some for years) knowing that it very well may be at least 3 years before we are able to visit some of them again. Arriving at a new duty station, living in a hotel, moving into a house, and TRYING to get "organized" and thrown into the preperations for yet another deployment. Our children (11 1/2 & 4 1/2 at time of deployment) love and miss their Daddy and struggle trying to understand the emotions they without a doubt must be feeling.....
Why does Daddy keep leaving? What did I do? Will he come home?
They don't really know where to go with these feelings, and that's perfectly understandable cause even at my age a lot of times I don't know where to go/what to do with the feelings I have. Needless to say, all 3 of us struggle each day with Patience & feelings of anger.....
God really did know where I needed to be on Sunday, I have read those verses numerous times, I have read the notes I made during the message at Sunday's service. Now I pray..... and COUNT TO 100 if need be! But, I've also realized my children are taking out their anger on me because I'm "safe". And, them taking it out on me is perfectly OKAY as long as they do it in a productive manor, so SOMETIMES I'm going to be angry too, and I am going to have to release my anger, disapproval or dissatisfaction in a productive manor also.

May today you know comfort in your heart just in knowing God is there and knows your needs and that he understands that we are ALWAYS GROWING in Him. May your patience tomorrow be more than it was today. God bless.

Funny how God works!

So last week I decided I would check out one of the protestant services on Wheeler or Schofield Barracks. It's been a LONG time since I attended a church service at a post chapel..... March 1991 at Ft. Gordon, GA in AIT to be exact! So I went to the website and checked out times for the services and found a protestant service at 10:30 am at the chapel closest to where I live. I was pretty excited when I got up yesterday morning, cheerily waking oldest dd who's now become a "tween" and isn't fond of mornings on the weekend and off to the shower I went. We were all ready for church and heading out the door w/ plenty of time to spare. We arrive and the parking lot is PACKED so we had to park down this little ally and walk down to the church.... by the time we get in there it's 10:30 and the chapel is PACKED the girls and I walk in looking for a place to sit only for the service to begin and much to my surprise it was a CATHOLIC service.... or seemingly appearing as such. So the girls and I quietly walk out of the chapel to the table outside and I asked the lady if it was in fact a Catholic service... sure enough. So I asked when is the Protestant service and she tells me 9 and 12.... okay maybe we'll come back for the twelve o'clock service. But really I just wanted to be in church and NOW not wait til noon.

I decided to asked if anyone knew how to get to the Baptist church in the town just down the road. Another lady was very helpful and drew me a little map and off I went.... KNOWING that the service began at 10:45! I knew I was going to be pushing it to get there in time, but either way we were off to attend service. I tell you God certainly has a way of putting us where we need to be!

This deployment has been very stressful, I've struggled with being able to sleep, and my kids have been driving me CRAZY!!!! God put me right where I needed to be yesterday. And I truly enjoyed the message and will be heading back again next week. I will be sharing about the service in another blog later once the children have headed for bed and I can better consentrate and focus on what I'm typing.

Has God been speaking to you lately? Is He trying to grab your attention in some way, be it very subtle or VERY LOUDLY? Open your heart and listen for Him. He is there waiting for you and waiting to guide you through the good and bad of life.

God bless.

I'll leave you with this..... The title of the message is...........

Growing in Patience do you need some guidence in this dept?

FINALLY

I have no idea what I was doing wrong.... I have tried many times to get into this blogger in the last month or so and for whatever reason I couldn't. It kept telling me my loggin and password didn't match. Today wahlah, the same combination worked like a charm and here I am.

I'm really excited today. The girls and I are going w/ some friends to see Alan Jackson in concert! I'm taking the camera so of course there will be pictures.

Seems so strange sometimes....

Sometimes it just seems a little weird.... Almost like I don't know really how to explain it. So the other night I went out to take the trash to the garbage can and put the recycle in the bins. When I came in I was going to the park it on the sofa for a little bit to watch a show I'd recorded earlier in the evening. As I was coming from the kitchen into the livingroom I walked passed the window in the dining room. I could see the palm tree behind my house blowing in the night sky..... It was the strangest feeling. Almost like I shouldn't be here, I don't know how else to tell you about it.

Hawaii is such a beautiful place and I'm so thankful to be blessed to be living in this island paradise but I sometimes find myself having this strange feeling like I'm only "visiting". Maybe on vacation or something... and then I have this other feeling almost a feeling of guilt because the girls and I are here in this beautiful place, enjoying the island life while hubby is half way around the world in Iraq. Like we shouldn't be enjoying it without him. I KNOW in my heart and in my mind that he wouldn't want me to feel this way. But sometimes I just can't help it... that feeling creeps into my mind.

We are counting the days until he's here with us again and our family is whole once more. Can't wait for him to get to be here and for us to spend time venturing around through this island paradise making memories to last forever. Memories we will surely look back on with fondness once we have to leave.... I pray that God will allow us to spend a long time here enjoying His beauty.

So it's been forever and a lot has changed!

Seems like it's been forever since I blogged here! A LOT has happened. DH returned from the sandbox, we enjoyed some of the scenery around upstate New York and tried to get reconnected as a family all the while getting ready for a PCS (permanent change of station) move and get some leave fit in to the whole picture to visit friends and family we (mostly DH) hadn't seen. In Nov. we cleared Ft. Drum and heading to Ohio for a visit w/ some of the in-laws staying through Thanksgiving. It was nice to see everyone we got a chance to see again. Granted we no where near got to see all the in-laws. Then we headed to VA to visit friends and (my) family there for a couple weeks. Wish we would have been able to visit with everyone.

On Dec. 11th we got up at 0400 and headed North to N.J. where DH took the van to port to be shipped and on Dec. 12th we flew out heading for our next duty station.... Schofield Barracks, HI! HI is BEAUTIFUL and we are loving it so far. The weather is PERFECT.... though I think I might miss the change of seasons in a couple years (maybe - maybe not).

Unfortunately we've already had to say our "see ya later, be safe's" with DH again. He's spending time in sand & sun in another part of the world. We are awaiting his return sometime this fall and praying we'll get blessed with R & R at some point.